My name is James Rice… I am a generally nice person who doesn't care for talking to people I don't know or about subjects I have little knowledge on. Half the time I might not say anything just in favor of not accidentally saying something stupid. However on those fun occasions where it happens to be a subject that I am well versed in I will talk provided I am generally comfortable with the people around me. I've been told that I'm pretty funny, but it seems to be kind of a drier humor that not everybody cares for. What ever.

You're probably going to notice that I get progressively angrier or "assholish" when writing pretty much anything. Yes I just made up that word. It does not exist. But I like doing that. Why not? Creating words or adding onto existing words allows us more means of expression so… I see nothing wrong with it. Maybe I'll add a glossary at the end of this just for kicks… The James Glossary…. Hah… I also like doing that… The three period things… No Idea why. I just kind of like random misleading pauses… Why? Why not? I win. =P

 

Yes that was in fact an equal's sign placed next to a p with the full intention of creating a face with it tongue out. I went there…. Oh god no. See I am an ass. I hope you don't have a problem with swear words because there is going to be many of them. However I guarantee you that each and every one of them will be properly used. I hate it so much when people just shove them where ever the fuck they want. It's not right and it's so insanely stupid.

If you don't know what I mean here's an example:

"So I was going to the fucking mall with my fucking friends and then this motherfucker fucking walked up to me and was fucking like-"

Come on now…. That makes no sense at all. Let's fix this now:
First of all definitions for the word

Fuck (fuh-ck)-

1. To have sex with.

2. An expression of extreme discontent

3. To make problems for or otherwise screw over.

 

Okay now that we have established that lets see what exactly went wrong here.

Well first of all unless this was a mall in which there are rather active people all over the place I don't think that really fits now does it? Next most people don't hate there friends so none of that nonsense folks.  Alright now were okay. He established that the person walking over to them is someone they don't really care for very much, so that is rather fitting. Pretty much the rest is completely fine because he is using it to express discontent towards the person so it's fine.

 

I hope you're having as much fun reading this as I am writing. Unless it's the thought of putting a big nasty grade on this is making you happy. Then I am sad… So very sad. =(

 

God I am so pleasant I can't even stand it. Alright now it's time for the part where I actually answer the freaking questions! Oh boy I can hardly contain my excitement!

Yes, so as you learned last time the egg came before the chicken. Why? Because it evolved from some other kind of bird dumb fuck. 
If a tree falls and no ones around, of course it makes a sound you stupid asshole! You think it makes the sound because you are there just for you? Nope.
What color underwear is Kayla wearing? No, the question is what color underwear would she be wearing? ;D
Why don't they make the entire plane indestructible instead of just a box?  It would be to heavy to fly.
Why did this old man come rolling home? Because he had no arms and legs and got rolled up by the prince.
What kind of bird is big bird? A product of an orgy between an ostrich, a parrot, and some kind of obnoxious person.
That it for now lolz.

Yes... Yes... I'm sure there are many, many questions. Unfortunately there is no such time for YOUR needs.
Okay so I was  over at the pub taking to this ruski named Yuri Gasanovitich. He was all like, In Soviet Russia plant pee on you. So naturally I responded like a python and swallowed him whole.